Survival is Not the End of the Story

Healing isn't neat or easy or even guaranteed

The news of Virginia Giuffre’s passing has been incredibly difficult to process — not just for me, but for so many survivors of human trafficking.

I’ve seen so many different posts from people shocked by her death, some from people speculating what happened and if it was really a suicide.  I’ve received many messages asking for my thoughts, and until now, I haven’t responded.  I’m not going to speculate.  Because no matter what happened, it’s tragic.

I never met Virginia, but I knew her -in the way survivors know each other without ever speaking.   We shared the experience of surviving something most people can’t imagine-the kind of trauma that leaves invisible scars you carry for life. We shared the battle to be heard, to be believed, to be free.  Her bravery in speaking out gave countless survivors a voice, a sense of hope, and a reminder that we are not alone.

This loss is heavy. It reminds me, and I think reminds many of us, that healing from trauma isn’t something you finish and move on from. Healing is messy. It’s lifelong.  It’s day-by-day. Sometimes second-by-second.  Some days you feel strong. Some days you feel like you’re drowning. That doesn’t mean you’re failing.  It means you’re human. 

I also want to say this: it’s okay to step back sometimes. Those of us who share our stories, who advocate, who write, who speak publicly — we carry a lot. Sometimes, we need to put down that weight and take care of ourselves. You’re allowed to not be strong today.

You’re allowed to take care of yourself first.

You’re allowed to say, I can’t do this right now, and that doesn’t make you weak. There is no shame in that. In fact, it’s necessary.

Right now, I’m holding space for grief, for anger, for sadness, and for the deep, complicated emotions that come with a loss like this.  I’m grieving Virginia.  I’m grieving for all the survivors who never got a chance to heal.

I’m grieving for the girl inside me who still sometimes wonders if surviving is enough.

If you’re feeling it too, please know you are not alone. Please be gentle with yourself.

Virginia’s life mattered. Her story mattered. And so does yours.