Last month when we did an interview on the Talk It Up Radio Show Jan Edwards mentioned the “deep posts” I write on social media and on my blog. Jan said people should read posts because they can learn from the information that I share.
I came across this Brene' Brown quote and it made me think about my life.
"The irony is that we attempt to disown our stories to appear more whole or more acceptable, but our wholeness - even our whole heartedness - actually depends on the integration of all our experiences, including the falls."
I realized that a majority of my life has been spent disowning everything that ever happened to me. I longed to be loved and accepted, but I felt like if people knew the things that really happened to me nobody would want to be around me.
I tried to appear whole and unbroken, but the more I tried the more I felt suffocated by the shame I was carrying.
I’ve only been sharing this difficult part of my story for a couple years. I’ve gone from sharing absolutely NO part of human trafficking or sexual abuse other than maybe mentioning that I was raped, to writing blogs/ posts, speaking at events that range from 5 people up to 4,000 people, doing news and radio interviews, speaking at a FL State Senate Committee and a FL House of Representatives Judiciary Committee meeting.
Yes, the feelings of shame still come up and sometimes it’s difficult for me to share the difficult parts of my past. When I’m able to see how me being so vulnerable and sharing what I do is helping in so many different ways it gives me the strength and courage to push through the feelings of shame and keep going. I thankful for all the opportunities God has given and continues to give me to be a voice for the voiceless!
I no longer attempt to disown my difficult stories. I would have never imagined sharing these difficult parts of my life would help me to feel more whole than I ever have. I’ve learned that a difficult past can lead to a powerful future.